Nay Amazon…nay.

2 Apr

Those crazy music editors over at Amazon just uploaded their list of 100 best Indie Rock Albums of all time. Did you read that. ALL TIME. Round of applause please…clap clap clap.  It’s weird, I love about 75% of the albums they spit up but I hate 95% of the list (does that make sense?).

I even dig all lists! 50 bedroom secrets to make him go wild for you; Top 10 romantic dates under $9.00; 5 best breakup songs; Top 20 wines that go with Easy Mac; all of them, simply amazing. See, to me lists are like miniature horses; functionally useless but so much fun to look at. Seriously though, done right a list is straight forward, clearly subjective, and provides hours of entertaining arguments. You’re not going to please everyone. I get it!  But, music lists are easy. You pick a genre, you tighten up your personal definition of said genre, and you poop out a list. Honestly an indie list is so easy it practically writes itself! Throw down the classics and argue a little over the contemporaries blah blah blah…DONE. But somehow, YOU SCREWED IT UP. Seriously. Let me pause for reflection and grab another sip of haterade.

Amazon editors I address you candidly.

Ok lets break it down. You guys weren’t inventing the wheel here, and your music credibility (while admittedly higher than mine) reeks of a college kid holding a summer internship at an NGO; sure you’re bright eyed and ready to tell me all about the new great things you’ve learned at school, but you haven’t got a clue. C’mon, don’t deny the history of indie rock. Just do a quick search and put these bands on the list (at the minimum)!! Give me some Smiths,  Jesus & the Mary Chain, The Minutemen, REM, Dinosaur JR, My Bloody Valentine, New Order, Joy Division. Here let me google that for you. These bad boys set the tone for the genre in the first place and are probably some of the safest names you could put on there!  Yes I do applaud 5% of your list including bands like Sebadoh, Pixies, Pavement, Guided By Voices, and The Replacements. On a side note I’m actually really shocked that you guys put on The Replacements. Seriously did one of you just watch Can’t Hardly Wait? It’s okay you can admit it, probably one of the greatest highschool romcoms in the last 20 years.

Anyway, my point is that your standards seem crazy inconsistent. I understand some omissions; it happens. But there is no method to your madness (Unless I’m completely wrong and as a whole your list creates a commentary on the meandering quality of lock down a musical genre as indescribable as indie music…right). I mean I guess most of the stuff is pretty contemporary (last 20 years contemporary) and it’s pretty focused on America. But, how do you even define the word “indie.” Is indie rock a garage rock that started around 1988-89? Is it anything released on an “independent label?” Was indie rock a lifestyle or sound? I don’t know. I think you guys just took all of the above and pieced together a quilt of ideas that just doesn’t quite make sense. Maybe you guys should do a reboot, I won’t tell anyone, I promise. You can start on the internet, there are already examples out there.. A Blender (RIP) list in conjunction with all of the angry responses to their choices is way more research than you guys seemed to put in to your list. Alternatively you could just rewrite the logic behind your choices, but good luck with that one. You know, I hate to admit it but you guys have power, the power of a multinational corporation and a short bus full of consumers. Use it wisely.

Actually, you know what? No. You had your chance and you blew it. No more reboots; no revisionist history; credibility flushed away. The people need a top 100 indie list they can believe in. A music list so spot on nations will stop fighting, secrets of the cosmos will be unlocked, and hipsters will say its cool; even if they weren’t the first to read it. Effective immediately I’m going to don the tightest shirt i can find, blast the drum and bass and summon the power of the indie rock gods to create the top 100 indie rock list all others will bow down to. This will take a long time, but ” There can be only one.”

Meh, and I work for the government; I’ve got time to burn.

You know what guys, I’m just kidding. This post was all a joke and I don’t want to hurt your feelings. You are all probably very nice guys/girls and honestly we could probably have a pretty sweet time together. In fact, lets party. You bring your pretty little faces and some Northwest Microbrewskies, and I’ll bring the music.

High five and hugs.

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2 Responses to “Nay Amazon…nay.”

  1. SD April 6, 2009 at 11:29 PM #

    You know if anyone has their ear to the streets it’s amazon.com. either them or tommy hilfiger.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. An open letter to Karen O: A response to “I hate Karen O” « Yuppie Dance Party - October 13, 2009

    […] not a huge fan of spewing vitriol at anybody (notable exception being the Amazon music department), nor am I a fan of flame wars. But, I feel that I must rectify a situation that I feel very […]

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